


(I've Known You) In Every Life I've Lived

by predilection



Category: Power Rangers, Power Rangers Samurai
Genre: Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, M/M, Magic, Memory Loss, cuteness, finally writing my OTP the fic they deserve, it will all make sense by the end, sorry this is eight years late
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22281727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/predilection/pseuds/predilection
Summary: "That's Antonio," Ji says slowly, his eyes wide with alarm. "You know Antonio, right?"Jayden doesn't. Apparently, that's a problem.
Relationships: Antonio Garcia/Jayden Shiba
Comments: 17
Kudos: 133





	(I've Known You) In Every Life I've Lived

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this fic in 2012. I don't think I've ever worked on a single story for this long, and I can't tell you how happy I am that I'm finally able to share it with you. I really do hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Fair warning: I haven't watched Samurai since it aired so if some details are a little off, please forgive me. I also need to warn for memory loss and one particular scene that gets bloody, a little gory, and involves a near death experience. I swear this is an overall fluffy story that has a happy ending, but if these kinds of things make you uncomfortable, this is a reminder that your self-care is more important than any fic.
> 
> The title is from "One Day, Robots Will Cry" by Cobra Starship.

Jayden doesn't have words for this kind of pain. It's like there are sharp claws ripping his soul apart, unraveling his very existence. Jayden's been hurt many times in his life, from his training and from battles against the Nighlok, but this is an agony like nothing he's ever felt before.

He endures it by focusing on what's important. His anguish doesn't matter, not really. It's a small price to pay if it means Antonio survives. 

He hears it then. The creature says, its gentle voice at odds with this torture, "You'll be alright, child. I won't keep what you already have."

He didn't think the pain could get worse, but it does as the creature continues to take and take and _take_ from him, and Jayden screams until he blacks out from the sheer force of it.

*

Jayden wakes up in the infirmary, blinking his eyes open at the familiar ceiling. Before he has a chance to figure out what's going on, he hears footsteps approaching from down the hall and pushes himself up onto his elbows.

"Easy," Ji says, crossing the room from the door to reach Jayden and placing steadying hands on his shoulders. "You're alright. You're both alright."

"What happened?" Jayden asks, sitting up properly.

"We're still trying to figure that out," Ji says softly. "Kevin witnessed some of it, but by the time he reached the two of you, you were both unconscious."

Jayden remembers fighting Deker in the forest, using the trees to his advantage to help dodge his blade, and he remembers how there was something particularly bloodthirsty and vicious in Deker's attacks, but...

"The two of us?" he asks.

"You and Antonio," Ji says easily, even though Jayden has no idea who that is. Ji gestures with his hand towards the bed next to Jayden's where a man is sleeping -- a man Jayden has never seen before in his life.

"You both seem to have been hit by some kind of magical attack," Ji explains as Jayden stares at the man in absolute bewilderment. A sheet covers him from the armpits down and Jayden can't see any obvious injuries. Injuries or not, the house is no place for civilians and Ji, of all people, knows this.

"Jayden?" 

Jayden tears his eyes away from the man to look at Ji.

Ji studies his face, a frown forming in his brows. "Are you alright?"

"I think so," Jayden says, but he shakes his head as his gaze, once again, falls on the strange man. "But why did you bring a civilian here?"

Ji turns, following his line of sight to the man, and his head snaps back to Jayden's so fast that Jayden is taken aback.

"That's Antonio," Ji says slowly, his eyes wide with alarm and, for some reason, he sounds terrified. "You know Antonio, right?"

*

He doesn't.

Apparently, that's a problem. 

He knows that it's serious, because the first thing Ji does after probing him with questions about this Antonio person is put out a request for a sorceress. The next thing he does is call the others, and that's what drives home the gravity of the situation, because upon hearing that Jayden doesn't have any idea who Antonio is, Emily bursts into tears.

"Oh, Jayden," she sobs, and rushes towards him to wrap her arms around his neck. He pats her awkwardly on the back, confused, and when he looks to the others for explanation, he finds that Mia and Mike are also crying and that Kevin is rubbing at his eyes.

He swallows, something cold settling into the bottom of his stomach.

"Can someone please tell me what's going on?"

*

Jayden's trained his whole life to be a leader, so he's used to being given large amounts of complex information to process, but this is too much. It doesn't help that he finds most of what he's hearing hard to believe.

He's told that Antonio is unconscious because he saved Jayden's life -- that Kevin saw Antonio get between Jayden and Deker's blade, taking a hit through the chest that otherwise would have impaled him. Then, as Jayden lowered a critically wounded Antonio to the ground, the two of them were engulfed in a ball of golden light. When the light blinked out a few seconds later, they were both lying unconscious side by side on the forest floor. Antonio's wound and the blood that had come from it had disappeared. 

They were still trying to figure out what happened.

He's told that Kevin chased Deker away, and how they're not sure what was behind the light.

He's told that, of course, Antonio would do something like sacrifice himself for Jayden because Antonio is their sixth ranger, even though Jayden's known his whole life that there are only five morphers. Moreover, he's told that Antonio is not only a ranger he's never heard of, but apparently also his best friend. He's told that this is why everyone is so upset he's forgotten Antonio, because Antonio is an important person in his life.

Of all the unbelievable things he's told, it's this that's the hardest to believe. Jayden's only recently found his first friends in his fellow rangers. He's definitely never been close enough to anyone to have a best friend.

All of it feels like a lie or like some kind of a Nighlok trick -- maybe to infiltrate their home or confuse Jayden. He doesn't feel like he's any different, yet with the way everyone's treating this so seriously, like a tragedy, he's not sure what to believe.

After he's cried on some more, Ji tells them all to get some sleep. When they leave, he's left in the infirmary with Antonio and Ji, still trying to make sense of all the unbelievable things he's been bombarded with. 

"Jayden, I need to ask... do you remember your mission?" Ji asks quietly.

The question is unexpected, but Jayden replies instantly, "Of course."

"What is your mission?"

"To be the red ranger until... she comes home," Jayden answers, frowning. "Ji, why are you-- oh."

Ji lets out a deep breath, his eyes closing briefly in relief, and Jayden cuts himself off as he realizes that Ji was afraid his memory loss impacted more than just his memories of a single person.

"The sorceress I called is an old friend," Ji explains. "She'll be here in the morning. It's my hope she'll be able to give us some answers, and also confirm that your secret is safe."

Jayden isn't convinced that his memory loss is real -- that the real issue isn't some person named Antonio appearing out of nowhere -- and this is what he's thinking when he asks, "Do you think the Nighloks are behind this?" 

"They don't use magic like this, but my friend will be able to tell us for sure."

The words are meant to be a comfort, but they leave Jayden feeling even more unsettled than he already is.

*

After hours of turning over what he's been told in his head, trying to find new angles to understand it from, he gets his feet, grabbing his morpher from his bedside before heading to the family library. There, he pulls out an old tome of symbols that his family has maintained for generations, its worn cover familiar and comforting in his hands. He flips through it until he finds what he's looking for.

The first symbol he turns to detects illusions, and was created by his great-great-grandmother to discern spells that toy with the mind's perception of reality. He draws it in the air and the moment he activates it, a burst of diagnostic energy pulses outwards from symbol, radiating through the house before coming back to him. It doesn't register that anything is amiss.

The next symbol he draws detects danger, similar to the symbol power used in the Nighlok detectors that have been set up all over the city. This symbol glows large and bright upon being activated, but it, too, sends back an all-clear, not recognizing Antonio or anything else in the house as malicious or threatening.

Sighing, Jayden heads to the infirmary and stands next to the bed where Antonio is still sleeping. He looks peaceful, his eyes closed and his breathing steady, and Jayden spends a few moments considering him -- considering that maybe everything he was told is actually the truth.

*

Jayden wakes early to shower and change. Only Kevin is up this hour, training in the garden, and the house is quiet, the first rays of the sun starting to streak in through the windows.

Jayden uses this opportunity to explore the house and it's immediately obvious that there are differences. There are items in the kitchen he doesn't recognize -- particularly a small golden statue of a fish on the counter and a navy suit jacket hanging over the back of a chair. The training room seems unchanged, but there's a guitar by the couch in the living room and fishing rod leaning against the wall by the front door that he's sure weren't there before.

There's also the matter of the bedroom next to his. For as long as he can remember, that room has been empty and used for storage by Ji. Now, however, when Jayden pushes inside, it's unrecognizable. The boxes and shelves have been replaced with bedroom furniture -- a bed, nightstand, dresser, desk and chair -- and also with clutter. Every surface has something on it. There are discarded clothes haphazardly littering the floor and hanging off the chair, there are computer parts and tools by the bed, there are more fishing rods resting against the wall alongside a tackle box, and there's another, much larger, statue of a fish on the desk.

The room is, quite frankly, a mess, and it's a shock both considering what he was expecting to find and what the rest of the house is like.

He doesn't have to ask whose room this is supposed to be, just as he doesn't have to ask who the guitar he found in the living room belongs to. He simply notes what he finds and continues his exploration.

*

Jayden picks up his cell phone from where it's charging by his bed, and unlocks it, looking for more clues.

Antonio has sent him text messages, he finds, but he's more interested in the photos in his gallery. There aren't many pictures there as Jayden isn't much for taking them, but in between the few photos he's taken of things like interesting architecture and paintings are selfies with Antonio.

Jayden doesn't take selfies. More than once, Mike, Mia, and Emily have pulled him into their selfies, but he doesn't take them himself.

Yet on his phone are selfies and all of them are of just him and Antonio. In the pictures, Antonio is obviously the one controlling the camera -- his arm outstretched to make sure both of them are in the shot.

What catches his attention isn't simply that he can't fathom having taken these pictures, it's that in practically every selfie, both he and Antonio are smiling. There's one photo in particular that he can't stop staring at. In it, Antonio has his arm around Jayden's shoulders, like this is something they're both comfortable with, and he's making a silly face at the camera. Jayden is laughing, his eyes crinkling in the corners, and he looks happy in a way that's both unfamiliar and fascinating.

*

The sorceress Ji called arrives later that morning. She introduces herself as Clare and trips on her over her own feet on her way to the infirmary. Jayden isn't convinced she's as powerful as Ji says she is until her hands start to glow purple. 

She makes Jayden lie down in the same infirmary bed he occupied the day before while she runs diagnostic checks with her magic. She talks to herself and consults a large book, and Jayden watches her spend the next hour tracing lines of purple spell work in the air. It's not unlike his symbol power, but the spells she draws look and feel very different from his family's magic.

He feels cold air surround his body as she conducts a particular test, and when the coldness abruptly vanishes, she startles, jumping into the air and drawing both his and Ji's attention. 

"What did you find?" Ji asks from where he's been standing by the door.

"It's--" Clare shakes her head. "It would be easier if I showed you." She waves her hands, and the first thing Jayden notices is that he's glowing. There's a purple light coming from his skin, and he raises his hands to examine it.

"What is this?" Ji asks and he sounds frightened. Jayden lifts his head and understands why.

It's not just Jayden who's glowing. The same purple glow is surrounding Antonio as well, and there's a faint translucent ribbon of magic flowing upwards from the center of Antonio's chest. It arches in the air before reaching down again and disappearing into Jayden's own chest, right over his heart.

Ji pulls back the sheet covering Antonio at the same time Jayden sits up and pulls up his shirt.

The area of Antonio's chest surrounding the point of contact with the energy ribbon is covered in symbols. They're drawn along the edges of overlapping circles and the exact same symbols and circles also appear on Jayden's chest in a mirror image of where they are on Antonio's body.

"A very powerful spell," Clare answers.

"What kind of spell?" Jayden asks, his heart beating faster now as he stares that the undeniable proof that some kind of magic connects him with Antonio.

"There are creatures called Wish Demons," Clare explains. "This is there doing."

Jayden's blood runs cold. He's heard of them. 

"They're rare and I only know of them from old tales," Clare says. "It's said they come to people in times of desperation and offer them a wish. In exchange, they take something from the wish maker, sometimes even their lives."

Jayden's father read a story about Wish Demons to him and Lauren when they were kids. It was about a young woman whose mother was sick. A Wish Demon saved her life for the promise of young woman's first born child. It read like a fairy tale, even if it came from a book that was decidedly not fiction, and Jayden can still picture the illustration of a tall golden-clad creature towering over the young woman, one of its thin, branch-like arms outstretched in offering.

"And you're sure this is their magic?" Ji asks.

"There's nothing else in this world that could have cast this spell," Clare says with certainty, and when she looks towards Jayden again, he sees magic crackling in her pupils. "One of you is the wish maker, and one of you is the recipient of its magic. That's why you're connected like this."

"The fight with Deker," Jayden says as the pieces start to come together. If what Kevin said was true then Antonio...

"Antonio took a blow meant for Jayden that should've been fatal," Ji tells Clare. "A witness says the two of them were then surrounded by golden light. Afterwards, the wound and all evidence of it were gone."

"Then Antonio is the recipient," Clare says. "Which makes Jayden the wish maker. That would explain his memory loss. The Wish Demon took his memories in exchange for saving Antonio's life."

Jayden is already overwhelmed and this new information is... it's too much. He covers his face with his hands and takes a moment to focus on his breath, trying to slow his heart.

He can't deny that it makes sense. It explains why his symbol power told him that he wasn't being manipulated, because if his memories were taken from him -- and if he traded them away willingly -- then there was no threat for them to find. It also explains why all the evidence he found suggests that Antonio has, in fact, lived with them for months.

He pulls his hands away from his face and turns his head towards Antonio as it finally becomes crystal clear that this isn't a Nighlok trick -- that his memories really have been taken and that this person lying next to him on an infirmary bed really is someone he used to know and care for.

"And is Antonio well? Will he wake?" Ji asks.

Jayden feels something cold crawl up his spine. He's been so concerned about Antonio being a threat, he never really considered if he was alright. He just assumed that Antonio would wake up, just like he did.

"Yes," Clare says. "His body is still absorbing the magic. When it finishes, he should be fine."

Ji sighs in relief. "And Antonio's memories?"

"They should be intact. He was recipient, after all. This spell is saving him, not taking anything from him."

It's a moment before Ji asks, "Could this Wish Demon have accessed any of Jayden's other memories?" 

Clare is quiet for a second, like she's thinking about it. "Wish Demons, despite their name, are known to be fair. Once it got its payment, I can't think of any reason why it would do anything else to his mind."

Jayden doesn't look away from Antonio or from the energy that's still visibly arching in the air between them, so he hears Ji's second sigh of relief. "Can you break this spell?" 

Clare sighs now too and Jayden knows her answer even before she says, "This magic was cast through a fair trade. I don't..." Jayden finally turns his attention back to her and watches her compose herself before she tries again. "I don't know how to break something like this, and I wouldn't, even if I could. I have no idea what it could do to Antonio, and even if it could somehow be broken, it wouldn't guarantee Jayden gets his memories back."

"What do you mean?" Ji asks.

"His memories paid for this magic. The Wish Demon has them now."

The words hang in the air, heavy. Jayden thinks he should be saying something -- adding to this conversation -- but he can't. It's all still too much and it's only getting worse.

"Is it possible to summon the Wish Demon?" Ji asks after minute.

"Maybe?" Clare says. "I've never heard of anyone managing it after a wish was made, but I can look into it for you."

She and Ji talk more after that, with him thanking her for coming and her promising to let him know what she finds, but he tunes them out. He only snaps back to reality when she releases whatever spell she was using to make the Wish Demon's magic appear, and the purple glow that has been illuminating the room abruptly blinks out. 

"You saved your friend's life," Clare tells Jayden, her book tucked under in her arm as she stands by the infirmary door, ready to leave. "You may not remember doing it or why, but it was an incredibly selfless thing for you to do."

Ji sees her out, and the second the door closes behind them, Jayden squeezes his eyes shut.

*

Mia finds him where he's hiding in the garden. "Ji told us about what happened with the sorceress," she says, taking a seat on the bench next to him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Jayden... doesn't know what he wants. 

He can't deny the magic Clare showed him or what it means, but he also doesn't remember forgetting anything. As a result, his gut is telling him to keep on his guard but somehow, at the same time, he feels normal, like there's nothing wrong at all.

Mia sits with him, waiting for an answer, until finally Jayden asks, "What do you know about Antonio?"

Mia frowns, clearly uncomfortable. "He's trustworthy, if that's what you're asking."

Jayden shakes his head, unsure of what he's asking. "I mean, who is he? How did I meet him?"

Mia's frown deepens. She takes a moment to collect her thoughts before answering. "You've known each other since you were children."

"What?" Ji told him that Antonio was a recent addition to the rangers.

"He used to come by the house to play with you, and when you couldn't play because you were training, he started training with you," Mia says as panic makes itself comfortable in Jayden's chest. It's one thing to forget someone new, but someone he apparently knew since he was a kid? That was a different matter altogether.

"How old were we?" Jayden asks, surprised by how calm he sounds.

"Not sure. Maybe eight or nine."

Jayden doesn't say anything. All evidence to the contrary, he wants to believe Mia is lying. Antonio can't be his childhood friend because surely he would remember something like that.

Jayden lowers his head into his hands and focuses on taking deep breaths. 

He doesn't know how to explain how unsettled he feels, but he doesn't need to. He feels Mia's hand against his back. "Jayden," she says, her voice caring and careful. "I can't imagine what this is like for you. But all of us, we're here for you." He feels her slide closer to him. "You might not remember, but we do, and I know we'd all be happy to share our memories with you."

She means it as a comfort, and it is, but he's still reeling, and this only drives home how serious the issue of his memory loss is.

*

Emily is waiting for him inside and when he steps in through the door, she launches herself into his arms. She's crying so hard that her whole body trembles against his.

"Ji told us what you did," she says, her words muffled, and her arms tight around him. "Thank you for saving him."

He holds her, unsure of what to do, what to say, or even what to think. All he knows is that it scares him to see her so upset. 

"He's going to be mad when he wakes up," she says. "Especially after he learns what you did. He... he cares about you a lot, Jayden. We'd all give our lives to protect you, but Antonio... he's..."

Jayden waits, but she doesn't finish her thought. Instead, she pulls back enough to look up at him. "You could've died. From Deker and your deal with that creature and..." Her eyes are bloodshot and her face is a mess of tears, but there's a hardness to her expression. "Promise me you're not going to risk your life like that ever again!"

*

Jayden gives up on trying to sleep, and instead reads through the most recent text messages Antonio sent him. There are a lot of them, and there are probably ten or twelve for every one that Jayden actually replied to. Antonio's messages say simple things like _good morning~~~_ and they are filled with more emojis than Jayden has seen in his life. Most of them are happy faces, but there are a lot of animals and fish too, and looking at them just makes Jayden more anxious. 

He doesn't understand how someone like this could be his best friend. The variables he has about Antonio -- messy, easily affectionate, excited -- and what he knows about himself don't match in any way, shape, or form. He thinks that if this was a Nighlok trick, it would be a terrible one -- too farfetched and ridiculous to be true.

*

Kevin is up early, as always, and Jayden still can't sleep so he joins him for an early morning run. He ends up thinking of Mia's words from the day before and of all the questions he has, which is why he asks, "When did Antonio become a ranger?"

If Kevin is caught off-guard by the question, he doesn't show it. He just gives Jayden the exact day he showed up at the Shiba House eight months ago.

"He just appeared one day?" Jayden asks.

"Completely out of the blue," Kevin says. "I wasn't very happy about it."

That surprises Jayden. "You weren't?"

Kevin snorts. "I was told there were only five rangers, and trained my whole life to become one, but Antonio showed up out of nowhere declaring himself to be a sixth."

Jayden can see why that would be troubling. He's been struggling with the same thought himself. Not to mention...

"How did he even become a ranger? There are only five morphers." 

To his surprise, Kevin slows down and comes to a stop by a fallen tree. He sits down on it, hands on his knees to catch his breath and Jayden drinks from his water bottle as he waits.

"I was angry with you," Kevin tells him finally. "I'm not anymore, but at the time, I was furious."

Jayden raises his eyebrows. "At me?"

"Because when you were a kid, you gave him a zord."

Jayden almost drops his water bottle. " _What?_ "

Kevin sighs. "He was moving away, and he was your best friend, so you snuck him the Octozord. By the time Ji noticed, it was too late."

But Jayden is still stuck on Kevin's earlier words. "I did _what_?"

Kevin's pauses, looks Jayden's over, and then sighs again. "Yeah," he says, gesturing towards him. "That was pretty much my reaction too."

"And no one went after him?"

Kevin shakes his head. "You stopped Ji when he tried."

Of all the rangers, Kevin is the least likely to joke, which means what he's saying has to be true. Even though Jayden can't imagine himself doing anything like this.

He tries, instead, to focus on putting the pieces together. "So he came back eight months ago to return the zord?" That didn't explain why he was a ranger though.

"Yes but... Jayden, I don't know if anyone's told you this, but Antonio is a genius. When he saw rangers fighting giant monsters with zords on the news, he made the connection between what you gave him and what he was seeing. He used the Octozord to find the morphing grid, and then used that link to turn a regular cell phone into a morpher. When he showed up, he was already the gold ranger."

Jayden hears the words but like so many words he's heard recently, these seem unbelievable. He was wondering how someone who wasn't from a samurai family could become a ranger but this is...

"He made his morpher?" His voice is quiet, but the words sound loud in the forest.

"He did. And I was angry like you are now," Kevin continues, but Jayden isn't sure if this is anger so much as it is a shock thrust on top of other shocks. "But after I got to know Antonio, after I realized why he did it and how hard he was trying, it was hard to stay upset."

"Why did he do it? Why did he turn himself into a ranger?" Jayden finds himself asking. His fingers are white where they grip his water bottle.

"He did it to help," Kevin says. He pushes off the fallen log and turns to Jayden. "But he also promised you when he was a kid that he would see you again." Kevin shifts in place, like he's debating something with himself, before he reaches forward and puts one of his hands on Jayden's shoulder. "Jayden," he says, "he became a ranger for you."

*

Nighloks attack the city that afternoon, and Jayden is almost thankful.

For a few hours, his focus is on saving the city and keeping everyone safe. For the first time in days, he doesn't think about improbable truths, or his friends' worried faces, or about someone he's supposed to know who's lying unconscious in the infirmary.

So of course, it's after they return back home that they learn that Antonio has woken up. He stands behind Ji, dressed in navy jeans and a white shirt with a gold design on the front.

He runs over to Jayden the second he spots him. "Are you okay?" As he looks Jayden over for injuries, Jayden can't help but note that he's taller than Jayden imagined him being and that his voice is unfamiliar. He puts a warm hand on Jayden's chest, right over where the magic's concentrated. "Did Deker hurt you?"

But to Jayden, this is still a stranger. He steps back automatically, away from Antonio, leaving Antonio's hand hanging in the air.

"Jayden?" Antonio asks, worry clear in his voice and the furrow of his eyebrows.

But then Ji, Kevin, and Mia are there, pulling Antonio one way, where Emily and Mike's gentle grip on Jayden's arms pulls him another.

He lets himself be directed to the garden where Mike and Emily sit with him by the fountain. They're silent until Mike finally says, "I guess Ji didn't get a chance to tell him yet."

Emily has tears in her eyes again, and above all else, Jayden feels powerless. This is all happening because of something he can't remember doing. Everyone is hurting because of him, and there isn't anything he can do to help. Instead, everyone is taking care of his mess for him.

There's a loud crash and Antonio runs into the garden. Mike and Emily stand, but Jayden stays where he is. He's not surprised when Antonio runs straight towards him, or when he stops a few feet in front of him, looking down at where he's sitting on the stone lip of the pond.

"Is it true, Jayden?" he asks. "Is it true you don't remember me?"

He hears Emily suck in a breath and make a small sound, but he doesn't look away from Antonio and Antonio doesn't look away from him. Antonio's eyes are wide and bright, full of a hopefulness that surprises him, and as he open his mouth to answer, he hesitates.

Antonio's gaze searches his and then his expression begins to crumple and he falls to his knees. Jayden feels Antonio's desperation like it's a palpable thing. "Tell me it's not true."

For Jayden, not remembering has felt surreal and almost like a fiction, but now, with Antonio pleading with him, the situation feels real in a way it hasn't so far. 

"Come on, Jay," he begs, grabbing Jayden's biceps. "You know me!"

The answer should be easy to say, but it's not. Not with this eager stranger looking at him like Jayden has the power to shatter him with a single word.

It hurts when Jayden looks away. And it hurts more when Antonio's fingers dig into his arms and he lets out an anguished cry, causing Jayden to flinch.

Then Emily and Mike are comforting Antonio, gently prying his hands from Jayden as they pull him into a hug, and all of them are weeping when Jayden shakily brings himself to his feet.

This is a pain he's causing, so he does what little he can and quietly retreats back inside before he can make it any worse.

*

The image of Antonio's crying face haunts him as he moves through the house, so it takes him a few moments to even realize that Mia is waiting by his bedroom door. All he has to do is look at her and she's moving closer, her arms wrapping around him.

He thinks that she, too, should be in the garden with Antonio, but he sinks into her embrace and lets himself take the comfort she's offering -- the comfort she knows he needs.

*

Jayden is in bed, but he isn't sleeping when he there's a knock at his door. A glance at his phone tells him it's well past midnight. He's so unsettled that he doesn't think he'll be able to sleep much tonight either, even though he's exhausted.

"Come in," he says, sitting up and throwing his legs over the side of his bed.

He expects it to be Ji or one of the rangers, but instead, it's Antonio.

"Hey," he says from the doorway. He's holding a mug in his hands. He steps inside and offers it to Jayden.

Antonio's eyes are puffy and red, but he wears a small smile.

Jayden reaches out and takes the mug from him, their fingers brushing.

The mug is warm, and before even looking down at it, Jayden knows from the smell that it's camomile. It's his favorite tea, but one he only drinks when he can't sleep.

He's been told over and over again that Antonio is his friend, but this is a detail he could only have learned from spending time with Jayden.

Jayden tightens his hold on the mug, letting it warm his hands. "Thank you."

"I should be the one thanking you," Antonio tells him. "They told me what happened and..." Antonio opens his mouth to say more, but nothing comes out. Instead he covers his face with his hands. "I'm sorry," he says, before he turns and flees the room.

Jayden stands to find someone -- Mia, Mike, anyone -- to go after Antonio, when he hears Kevin say, "Antonio? What happened?" from the hallway. He hears Antonio say something back, though he can't make out anything but the fact that Antonio's clearly distraught, and soon the voices disappear as they travel deeper into the house.

Jayden stands there holding his tea, and when he finally takes a sip, he's surprised to find that it's been sweetened exactly to his liking.

*

Jayden doesn't know what to do, but he definitely isn't sleeping, so he walks through the house. It's dark and quiet at this hour, but to his surprise, there's light coming from the kitchen. He finds Mia there, mixing the contents of a large bowl with a wooden spoon, flour on the counter and dusting her cheeks and hands.

"Jayden?" she asks, alarmed, when she spots him in the doorway.

He waves off her concern and drops down into a seat at the counter to watch her. "Couldn't sleep," he tells her. "I take it you couldn't either."

"No," she says, but a corner of her mouth quirks upwards. "So I decided to make cookies."

"Can I help?" 

"Sure," she says, handing him a bowl of strawberries and a cheese grater.

When the cookies come out of the oven, they eat them together as the first rays of sunlight come in through the windows.

*

He finally sleeps after that and when he wakes, the sun is high in the sky. 

He can hear the others in the kitchen, laughing, and he pauses in the doorway. Everyone but Ji is eating lunch, which looks to be grilled fish over rice, and Antonio is standing over the stove, in Mia's usual spot, a frying pan in his hand.

Antonio is laughing too, and the image of him in the kitchen, happy and like he belongs there, gives Jayden pause.

"Jayden!" Mike calls, spotting him and pulling a chair back from the table. "Join us for lunch. Antonio cooked trout."

Then Mike's eyes go wide like he just remembered the state of things and the laughter in the room is replaced by a heavy silence. Jayden looks to Antonio and finds him looking back. Antonio turns away quickly, reaching for the cupboards and busying himself with the pan on the stove, and just as Jayden is wondering if he should leave, Antonio holds a plate out to him.

There's grilled trout on a plate of rice with, of all things, asparagus, on the side. Jayden takes it. "Thanks," he says.

Antonio offers him a smile, but it's small compared to what Jayden saw on his face just moments before. Still, he claims the empty chair next to Mike and he's grateful when Emily asks Mike about a new video game and the conversation starts up again.

*

Later, Jayden walks into the living room, and as he does, Antonio walks out the door on the other side of the room. He doesn't think much of it, except he goes the rest of the day without seeing Antonio once, and it isn't until the following afternoon that he sees him again. Even then, Antonio slips from the room quickly and disappears.

Jayden gives him his space, except two days later, he pauses in the hallway by the living room when he hears his name spoken. 

"It's not just that," Emily is saying. "It's that he blames himself."

"What are you talking about?" Mike asks.

"Antonio is upset that Jayden doesn't remember him, but he's also upset because he thinks it's his fault his memories are gone," Emily explains.

"Oh," Mia says, like this clarifies something she was trying to figure out.

"But that's not how Ji said the magic works," Kevin points out. 

"That doesn't matter." And it's Emily explaining again. "Jayden lost his memories saving him, so he feels guilty."

"But I saw it," Kevin argues. "Antonio did what we're all trained to do. He protected Jayden. If he hadn't been there, Deker would've killed him." There's a pause then, as if they're all digesting the implications of such an outcome.

"Maybe you should tell him that," Mia says. "Maybe he needs to hear it."

Emily says something then, but Jayden can't hear it over the blood rushing to his ears, and as quietly as he can, he turns and walks back the way he came.

*

Jayden goes back through his text messages, reading further back than he did previously. This time, he can hear Antonio's voice as he reads the messages, and even the emoji have a kind of cadence to them. 

He learns things he didn't know before. Antonio apparently goes fishing often, which explains both the fishing-related paraphernalia Jayden kept finding and the fish emojis.

He and Jayden also go to the movies together once a month. As he reads through the old messages, he finds it very disconcerting that he can remember the movies Antonio is encouraging him to see, but he can't remember when, where, or with whom he watched them. 

There are also conversations that speak to an understanding that feels foreign to Jayden. Antonio has sent him messages like, _if you need space, that's cool. just let me know you're okay_ and _i'm at the pier. i'll be there all day if you want to talk._

And there's one conversation dated the same day as a particularly troubling encounter with Deker where Antonio asked Jayden where he was. Jayden had sent back a photo of the crown moulding from the lobby at the art museum, and Antonio had replied with the words, _ok. i'll be there soon._

Antonio was clearly important to him. This truth isn't new, but it's like he's processing this whole situation in waves. He thinks he understands something, and then it hits him again just how much he doesn't. 

And it's becoming increasingly clear that he doesn't understand Antonio at all.

*

The Nighloks attack the next day. It's the first time he fights alongside Antonio, and he's pleasantly surprised. 

It's obvious that Antonio wasn't formally trained, but what he lacks in grace and control, he makes up for with ingenuity and spirit. He's an instinctual fighter, and he comes up with a way to take down this particular Nighlok by deflecting their own energy attack back against them. It's immediately clear that having a sixth ranger on the team is an advantage.

It's also immediately clear that Jayden has no idea how to fight with Antonio. When the two of them are up against a squad of Moogers together, he can't predict what Antonio will do or how he will attack. Twice they end up targeting the same Mooger instead of going after different ones.

Afterwards, Kevin orders them to be up bright and early the next morning for training, and that's how Jayden ends up goes for a run with Antonio at the crack of dawn.

Antonio yawns as he runs, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, and he doesn't say much but Jayden can feel his eyes on him.

Kevin puts them through exercises when they get back. Antonio can predict the way Jayden is going to move and how he's going to attack. The issue with the two of them fighting together is that Jayden can't do the same for Antonio. 

Antonio is patient as he explains things to him -- that when they're fighting the same opponent, he usually goes for lower attacks because he knows Jayden goes for upper ones, and that Jayden attacks Nighloks on Antonio's left because he knows Antonio favors his right side and tends to leave his left flank open to attack.

It's informative, and also the most Antonio's spoken to him, but after their training session is over, Antonio bows to Jayden and leaves quickly, like he's trying to escape but also trying to be polite about it.

*

Clare returns that afternoon. She runs some kind of magical check on Jayden and Antonio. She spends more time on Antonio, and she doesn't seem to find anything amiss, other than the spell. She leaves shortly afterwards, but not before giving Ji a small book with a dark green cover.

Jayden finds the same book resting on his nightstand later. There's a bookmark with a picture of a motorcycle on it in-between the pages, and Jayden opens it to a page on Wish Demons. Jayden reads what the book has to say, and there's not much there that doesn't Jayden remember from his childhood, but there are two things that stand out to him.

The first is that a Wish Demon will only take something from a wish maker if they feel it is valuable enough to trade for a wish. The text makes it clear that in order to save a life, what's traded needs to be something monumental. Jayden wonders at that because it suggests that his memories of Antonio were strong enough to trade for Antonio's life.

The second is that there's a note on getting back what was taken from the wish maker. On this, there's only a single line that states that a Wish Demon cannot hold onto something if the wish maker has it. It's frustratingly cryptic, and it makes little sense to Jayden, because if the Wish Demon has already taken something, then how can the wish maker still have it?

Not that Jayden is trying to get his memories back. He wouldn't risk someone's life for something he doesn't remember enough to miss.

*

The next morning, like the day before, begins with Kevin ordering both him and a blurry-eyed Antonio to go for a run. Also like the day before, Antonio spends most of it doing a bad job of sneaking glances at Jayden. He outright stares with a sad, far-away look on his face, and it's not just that that makes Jayden uneasy. 

Jayden knows from what he's heard and from what's he's observed that Antonio is talkative, but the run is quiet, maybe even uncomfortably so. Even Kevin talks during runs. Antonio doesn't say much at all.

"Let's stop for a second," Jayden says when they near the stream. He slows by the bank and steps down on to the rocks. He takes a long drink from his water bottle. 

Antonio follows and comes to stand next to him by the water's edge, but for once, he's not looking at Jayden, but staring intently at a spot on the other side of the stream.

"What is it?" Jayden asks.

"We went fishing here once," Antonio says.

Jayden looks around. He knows this as an easy place to cross the stream, one he discovered with his sister when they were kids, but it holds no other memories for him.

"Did we catch anything?"

Antonio startles at the question, and after a moment, a small smile tugs at the corner of his lips.

"We did," he says, and Jayden's not sure if it's the smile or something else, but he lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

*

He sits with Ji under the shade of an old willow tree in the garden, a chess board on the table between them. Jayden is losing, as he almost always does against Ji, but he's making winning as hard for Ji as he can.

Despite his best efforts, Ji takes his rook. "I heard you've been training with Antonio," he says.

Jayden nods and moves a pawn. "Is he alright?"

Ji is silent as he contemplates his next move, and Jayden waits. As Ji moves his queen, he says, "He misses the person you used to be."

Jayden stares at the board. "Was I that different?"

Jayden is reaching for his own queen when Ji says, "You were always different with him."

The answer isn't helpful. Jayden hesitates and picks up his knight instead. "What was I like?"

"When you were with Antonio, he tended to pull you out of your shell," Ji says carefully, meeting his eyes over the board. "You were... you were happier."

Jayden plays his knight.

Ji doesn't have to think about his move. He slides his queen through Jayden's defenses. "Checkmate."

Jayden frowns at the board. He should've seen that coming. But he didn't.

*

Jayden looks up from where he's sitting on the couch studying a scroll to see Antonio in the entryway, slipping on his jacket and shoes on his way out the door.

"Where are you going?" he asks before he thinks about it, and he hates how it sounds like a demand or an accusation rather than a simple question.

Antonio holds up a tackle box -- the one Jayden had seen in his room -- and reaches for the fishing rod that's still resting by door. "Fishing."

"By the stream?"

Antonio fidgets, clearly uncomfortable. "The pier, actually."

Ji's words still echoing in his ears, Jayden asks, "Can I come?"

Antonio blinks at him for a second. "You... you want to come fishing with me?"

Jayden shrugs, uncomfortable now too, not wanting to impose himself on someone who has clearly been avoiding him. "If you're okay with it."

Antonio eyes Jayden and then turns on his heel towards the bedrooms and vanishes.

Jayden sighs, thinking that's the end of the conversation, and turns his attention back to the scroll. He reads the same line three times, not really absorbing anything he's reading.

He hears footsteps coming closer down the hall, and he's not sure what he's expecting, but it's not to see Antonio again, standing in front of him, now holding two fishing rods instead of one.

"Come on," he says, holding the second rod out to him. "The fish aren't going to catch themselves."

On their way to the pier, Antonio is quiet like he is on their morning runs, but after they arrive, he starts talking. He asks Jayden if he remembers how to use the rod, but just as Jayden is about to shake his head, he finds that he does know somehow. His hands know what to do. Then, as they fish, Antonio tells him about the fish at this pier, and about the history of the pier.

At first it's awkward, with it feeling like Antonio is trying to fill the silence, but the more Jayden listens, the more comfortable it gets. The sun is warm against his skin, and it's nice to be in the city when it's not under attack. Antonio's presence is nice too. He gets excited as he explains the way the pier was constructed. 

It's also the happiest Jayden's ever seen him. He's clearly passionate about engineering, confirming what Kevin told him about Antonio's aptitude for technology even though Jayden had no idea it extended to architecture.

When Antonio lapses into silence, it's not nearly as awkward as it was earlier. The sunlight is still warm, and there's a breeze off the water that keeps the temperature cool. It rustles through Antonio's hair, and Jayden notices because he's taken by the way Antonio's looking out at the horizon, a small smile on his face.

*

Their run the next morning starts as silently as it usually does, but when they pass the bank of the stream where they stopped yesterday, Antonio lets out a frustrated groan.

"Why am I running at this hour?" he asks, rubbing at his eyes. "The sun is barely awake. Why should I be?"

"Kevin wants us to train," Jayden reminds him.

Antonio groans again and shoots Jayden a sideways look. "Think he'll notice if we run off and get ice cream?"

Jayden is so taken by how frankly Antonio is speaking to him that he almost misses it when Antonio mutters, "Going to town and back has to cover the same distance as this path, and then at least we'd get ice cream out of it."

"There's nothing open at this hour," Jayden points out.

"There's got to be a convenience store or something," Antonio insists, and though he drops the subject and the rest of the run passes in silence, the tension from before is broken. He notices, too, that Antonio doesn't spend the whole run staring at him. He still looks at him sometimes, but he mostly keeps his eyes forward. 

Jayden knows that something has changed between them even if he's not exactly sure what that something is.

*

Later, when he's grocery shopping with Mia, he pushes their cart down the freezer aisle to the section full of frozen desserts. 

"Does Antonio like chocolate?" he asks, considering tubs of rocky road and double fudge ice cream.

Mia raises her eyebrows. "Antonio?" She laughs. "He loves chocolate, and will probably be happy to eat anything in this aisle, but that's his favorite." She points at a tub of mint chocolate chip.

Jayden opens the freezer, picks up the tub, and adds it to their cart.

Mia's eyebrows are still raised.

Jayden swallows around something in his throat. "I'm trying," he tells her honestly.

It's all still so much to make sense of, but he really is. He's doing his best to get to know Antonio, to be his friend, even if he knows it's nothing like they were before.

"Oh, Jayden," she says, and though to anyone else, the words would sound tinged with pity, to Jayden they sound hopeful.

*

The next morning, after their run and after Kevin runs them through drills, Nighloks attack the harbor.

This time, the battle goes differently. Kevin's training pays off. Jayden still can't completely predict what Antonio will do, but he no longer fumbles where Antonio is concerned, and the two of them take on one of the attacking Nighloks together.

They end up fighting in their zords, and when Antonio calls on the Octozord, Jayden's hit by a now familiar feeling of a fragmented memory. He remembers the zord from his childhood and what Kevin told him about it, but he has no memory of how it came to be in their current arsenal. So after they beat the Nighloks, he sits with Kevin studying their armaments and capabilities, if nothing else to ensure he knows what they have to work with.

It's after their training the next morning that Jayden even has the chance to think about ice cream again. Even still, Kevin runs him through an extra set of drills, so it's been an hour since Antonio's training finished when Jayden heads to the kitchen. He scoops mint chocolate chip ice cream into a bowl and shoves a spoon in it. Even though the ice cream is late, he hopes Antonio will appreciate the gesture.

Bowl in hand, Jayden knocks on Antonio's bedroom door. 

"Come in," Antonio calls, and when Jayden pushes the door open, Antonio is standing in front of his open dresser with nothing but a towel around his waist. It's clear he just got out of the shower. His hair is wet, and there are water droplets dotting his skin. They catch the light from the window and make him look like he's shimmering when he moves. 

"Jayden?" he asks, and Jayden blinks, remembering why he's here.

He takes a careful step into Antonio's room, mindful of the clothing on the floor, and holds the ice cream out to him.

"Jayden?" Antonio asks again, clearly surprised as he takes the bowl.

Jayden shrugs. "It's still early. The stores aren't open yet."

Antonio curls both his hands around the bowl. His fingers tighten and he smiles down at the ice cream before looking up at Jayden like Jayden just made his day, his expression almost painfully bright.

"Thank you, Jayden," he says.

"Mia told me it's your favorite," Jayden tells him. Unsure of what else to say or of why his heart has picked up speed, Jayden turns and walks out of the room.

*

It's as Jayden's getting out of bed the next morning that it occurs to him that neither he nor Antonio need to be doing extra training in the mornings anymore. The last battle proved that they can fight together, and fight together well.

As Antonio joins him for their now habitual run, he waits for Antonio to complain about it, but he doesn't so Jayden doesn't either.

*

"Ninja Mermaids from Another Dimension started playing yesterday," Antonio says. "Any interest in seeing it?"

It's just the two of them in the kitchen, opting for an early lunch on account of the early morning they had.

"Ninja Mermaids from Another Dimension?" Jayden asks skeptically, before his brain catches up with him and he figures out what Antonio's asking.

Antonio fidgets in his seat. "I mean, it could be fun, right?" 

He's expecting Jayden to say no, Jayden realizes. It's in the way his offer is tentative, a little defensive. But Jayden read through months of playful text messages. He knows that they used to banter about what they could possibly get out of ridiculous-sounding movies and then go see them anyway.

"But I know you're busy so if you don't want to--" 

Jayden cuts him off. "Sure."

"What?"

"It sounds fun," Jayden says.

Antonio's eyes search Jayden's for something, but then he nods. "Okay. Okay, cool. Uh. Does two o'clock work for you?"

And that's how Jayden ends up at the local theater watching a truly terrible action movie with Antonio. The whole movie is unintentionally hilarious, but there's a particular scene involving ninja fish royalty that has them both in stitches. Antonio laughs so hard that he doubles over sideways, leaning against Jayden's side as he shakes with mirth.

The touch is unfamiliar and surprising at first, but as the movie continues to play and Antonio continues to laugh, Jayden finds that he doesn't mind it.

*

"Wanna go to the art museum?" Antonio asks him after breakfast two days later, and Jayden pauses, cereal half-way to his lips. 

He's never visited with any of the others. He's never wanted to.

He's loved the museum since he was a kid. It's a place he goes for solace and to collect his thoughts. Since he was old enough to, he's always gone alone. 

He knows from his texts, that at least once, when he hid there, he all but asked Antonio to join him. Still, that doesn't mean he's sure if this is a place he wants to share with Antonio, even if he's shared it with him before.

His thoughts must show on his face because Antonio quickly says, "We don't have to. I just thought you haven't been for a while..."

Antonio is fidgeting, his hands rubbing together anxiously. His expression earnest and open, and Jayden puts down his spoon. 

"When do you want to go?" 

Antonio's face lights up almost instantly, but he still twists his fingers together. "You free later?"

*

Antonio falls into step next to him as they make their way through the modern art section, pointing out his favorite works but otherwise being a quiet, steady presence at his side.

He seems to know that Jayden likes the silence here. He seems to also know when the silence is too much and needs to be broken. It's comfortable, and that itself is unsettling. He's not used to someone he can share these parts of himself with.

When they make their way back to the entrance just before the museum closes, Antonio presses their arms together. Jayden freezes before he realizes that Antonio is holding his phone out at arms-length and looking at Jayden expectedly. Jayden looks up at the camera and waits as Antonio angles it so that a statute is perfectly positioned behind them. He smiles at the camera. 

Jayden is too surprised to smile, but oddly, he feels himself relax a little as Antonio snaps a photo.

*

Jayden sets up the chess board on the table under the willow tree, waiting for Ji to join him for their weekly game, but when someone enters the garden and walks up to him, it's not his mentor.

"Ji called," Antonio says. "He's still in town. He told me to let you know he's running late."

"Okay," Jayden says. He eyes Antonio for a moment. "Do you play?"

"Me?" Antonio fidgets, nervous. "Uh. Kinda."

Jayden gestures for him to sit and turns the board around so Antonio can play with the white pieces and have the first movie.

It turns out Antonio can play but it's clear he's not practiced at thinking about his future moves. It's only after Jayden is thoroughly beating him that Jayden asks him where he learned to play.

Antonio almost knocks over the pawn he's moving. "You were, uh, teaching me," he says quietly. "I mean, before..."

"Oh." He hadn't known. He considers his next move carefully. He doesn't know how good of a teacher he would be, but he likes chess and the thought of playing with Antonio is a pleasant one. He uses a pawn to take Antonio's remaining rook as he offers, "I could teach you again, if you want." 

Antonio pauses in reaching for his queen, and Jayden wonders if this was the right move to make, but Antonio recovers quickly and snorts, gesturing to the few white pieces left on the board. "I think I need all the help I can get." 

He offers Jayden a smile, and that makes it easier. Before Antonio can move his queen, Jayden puts his hand over Antonio's to stop him. Antonio startles at the touch, blinking at Jayden in surprise, as Jayden gives him advice, explaining his previous move and how he was trying to trap Antonio's queen. Antonio still loses, but with Jayden's help, he's able to take Jayden's knights and go down with a fight.

The second game goes better for Antonio, with Jayden being transparent about his moves, and assisting Antonio in figuring out his options. It's after he's helped Antonio get out of check that he finds Antonio staring at him.

"What?" he asks.

It's been awhile since he's caught Antonio watching him, but unlike when he first lost his memory, Antonio isn't looking at him like he's troubled by what he's seeing. Instead, he's smiling. 

"It's just. Thanks for teaching me, Jayden."

*

It's a pleasant surprise when they start playing chess at least once a week after that. They still train together in the mornings, too, and Antonio invites him fishing and to the movies. It happens slowly, but at some point over a two month period, Antonio goes from being a stranger to the person Jayden spends most of his time with. 

They're friends, he thinks. Really and truly friends in a way he's still trying to wrap his head around. Because Antonio is messy, easily affectionate, and excited just like he feared, but he's also thoughtful, hard-working, and charming, and it's almost frightening how easy it is to like him.

*

When Deker appears again and demands to duel him, Jayden doesn't feel particularly anxious. He doesn't think he has reason to be. It's not until Kevin, and then Antonio, maneuver between the two of them that he notices that everyone else is.

Kevin has spoken to him about how horrified he was and how powerless he felt when Deker almost stabbed him -- when he ended up stabbing Antonio instead -- so he knows where that anxiety is coming from. Still, he isn't expecting the viciousness with which Kevin and Antonio fight Deker, their blades clashing. 

He sees it when Deker aims a strike at Antonio's undefended left flank, and then he's moving without thinking, blocking Deker's blade with his own, his heartbeat a heavy rhythm in his ears.

The three of them force Deker back together. It's after the fight, as Jayden's mind replays in nauseating slow-motion the way Deker's sword aimed for Antonio's side that Jayden thinks he understands, for the first time, why Antonio jumped in front of Deker's blade to save him. Because he, too, would do the same for him.

*

That night, Antonio brings him camomile tea again. Like the last time, Jayden can tell that he's upset. His eyes aren't puffy from tears, but his hands are shaking as he hands Jayden the mug.

Jayden is sitting at the edge of his bed, and he pats the space next to him like he does when any of the other rangers need someone to talk to.

Antonio lowers his eyes as he carefully sits down at Jayden's side, the mattress dipping under his weight.

Antonio is lost in thought, so Jayden takes a sip of his tea as he waits. He wonders, idly, if Antonio drinks tea, and if he does, what type of tea he likes.

"I needed to see that you were okay," Antonio admits quietly. He's staring at his hands, which are gripped tightly together. 

"I'm okay," Jayden tells him.

"I know, but the last time Deker... Deker he..." Antonio swallows and his throat clicks.

Jayden sets his mug down on his nightstand and settles his hand on Antonio's shoulder. "I'm okay," he tells him again. "I'm right here." 

Antonio lifts his head. He blinks once. Then twice. His eyes go glassy before he pushes forward into Jayden's space and pulls him into a hug. His arms reach around Jayden's back and he buries his face in Jayden's neck as he sobs.

Jayden's own arms hang in the air. He's shocked and unprepared for an Antonio that is crying. Though when he feels Antonio's tears against his skin, it's easy to let his arms slowly fall to Antonio's back.

*

The next time the Nighloks attack the city, it takes them sixteen hours to defeat them. By the time they stumble back to the house, they're all exhausted. 

There's still protocol to be followed, however, especially since the six of them were fighting on separate fronts for most of the day. They meet with Ji in the living room for their debrief.

Antonio speaks first, his voice slurred with sleep. Then it's Mike's turn. It's as Mia is speaking that Jayden feels something heavy and warm against his side. He stills. Antonio's head has fallen against his shoulder, and when Jayden leans forward, he sees that his eyes are closed, his breathing even.

He lets out a breath of his own, his shoulders relaxing, and asks Emily for her report once Mia finishes.

Once the meeting is adjourned, he gently shakes Antonio.

Antonio groans, turning his face further into Jayden's shoulder, and mumbles something about "five more minutes".

Jayden shakes him again, amused, and Antonio's eyes open slowly. He squints at the light in the room, and up at Jayden. 

He startles, jumping up and putting some distance between them. "Sorry," he says quickly, clearly alarmed. "I didn't mean to-- I mean, I shouldn't have--"

"It's okay," Jayden tells him, even though he doesn't understand what has Antonio looking so spooked.

*

Jayden wakes with a shout, sitting up in his bed and clutching his heart. He breathes out a heavy sigh of relief knowing that everything he just witnessed and experienced -- failing to save Lauren, failing to save his friends, failing to save the world -- was just a dream.

He hadn't had a nightmare like this in some time. They used to be common back before he was part of a team, but having support thankfully made them a less frequent affair. 

There's a soft knock on his door. "Jayden?" Antonio asks from the other side. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," he says, surprised. 

Antonio slips inside and shuts the door behind him. "Another nightmare?" he asks softly. 

He's a shadowy figure, barely lit by the moonlight coming in from the window. Jayden stares at him. He's doesn't talk about his nightmares with anyone.

Antonio shifts his weight from foot to foot. "I heard you--" He sighs. "I'll get you some water."

He pads across Jayden's room to his bathroom easily, even in the dark. The bathroom's light flickers on, the water runs, and then the light turns off. Antonio returns with a glass of water in his hands -- a glass that Jayden leaves in his ensuite specifically for times like this. Jayden takes it from him with gratitude and takes a sip.

Antonio sits on the side of the mattress, his body twisting towards Jayden, and for the first time in a while, he's forced to remember that Antonio knows more about him than he knows about Antonio.

"Was it really bad?" Antonio asks.

Jayden shakes his head. The water and Antonio's presence are grounding him. He feels better already, his memories of his nightmare fading around the edges.

"Good," Antonio says. He runs his hand up Jayden's leg, from his ankle to knee and back down again. "It's going to be okay. You have us. You have me. We'll defeat the Nighlok together."

*

Antonio touches him more than anyone else he's ever known. He lets their shoulders brush when they run, he puts an arm around Jayden when he takes selfies, and he laughs against Jayden's side when Mike tells a joke.

But he also rubs Jayden's back absentmindedly when they're sitting together on the training room floor trying to catch their breath and he leaves his hand on Jayden's thigh when they sit side by side at the kitchen table.

If it was anyone else, even any of the others, he would finds this amount of physically contact uncomfortable. Yet with Antonio, it's different. It's comfortable. 

He's not sure what to make of that.

*

Mia corners Jayden in the hallway. She hurriedly pulls him into Emily's room where Emily is waiting for them. He's worried something is wrong until they tell him they're planning a birthday party for Antonio.

"We want to surprise him," Mia explains. "Which is where you come in."

Which is why Jayden takes Antonio out for ice cream on Saturday morning.

"I thought there weren't any ice cream shops open at this hour," Antonio says playfully as Jayden leads them to an ice cream parlour that happens to open its doors early enough to accommodate them. Jayden treats Antonio to a cone of mint-chocolate chip covered in rainbow sprinkles and Antonio grins with child-like joy as he devours it.

Antonio's grin becomes impossibly wider when they get back to the house and everyone shouts, "Surprise!" Mia made Antonio a cake, and they eat it together while Antonio opens his gifts. Mia and Emily get him a set of new fishing lures, Ji gifts him with a scroll on the schematics of their morphers, and Mike presents him with large fish plush toy. They laugh when Kevin defends his gift of socks as "practical". When it's Jayden's turn, he offers Antonio a small wrapped box.

Antonio takes it from Jayden almost reverently. Jayden watches as Antonio unwraps it to find a tin of his favorite loose-leaf green tea. 

It's a simple gift, really. When he asked around, it was Kevin who knew what kind of tea Antonio liked. Jayden only had to pick it up. So it doesn't explain the way Antonio's grin softens or the way his eyes seem to sparkle when he looks up from the tea and over towards Jayden.

It doesn't explain why Jayden's breath gets stuck in his throat when he tells Antonio, "Happy birthday."

*

There's guitar music coming from the direction of the living room. Mia's voice accompanies it a moment later and Jayden is drawn towards the sound.

He finds Antonio and Mia on the couch together, Antonio with his guitar in his lap, and Mia at his side. Her eyes are closed, both of them completely focused on their music. When the song ends, Mia's voice trailing alongside the ending chords of the guitar, it's Antonio who notices they have an audience.

"What do you think?" he asks Jayden.

"You're good. You're both really good," he tells them honestly. 

They explain that they're getting ready to perform at a bar downtown and that they've performed there together before. Jayden has a vague memory of watching Mia perform there, but he had no idea that she and Antonio made music together.

He tells Antonio this later. Antonio frowns, his expression pained. Jayden regrets mentioning it until Antonio launches into the story of how Mia started singing along with his guitar when he was practicing one day and his frown disappears.

"You should come to our concert," Antonio says. "There will be other acts performing too, and there's going to be drinks and dancing. I know you don't like bars but..." 

"I'll be there," Jayden says.

*

Everyone, even Ji, comes along to watch Mia and Antonio's set. The whole bar seems entranced by their first song. It's the one Jayden first heard them practicing. Their second song is more upbeat, and some of the other patrons get out of their seats to dance. Emily starts singing along, bumping her shoulder against Mike's as she bounces in her chair to the beat.

Mia and Antonio perform five songs in total, and Jayden joins in their well-deserved standing ovation at the end.

Another act is getting ready on stage when Antonio and Mia return to their table, a little sweaty and with big grins on their faces. "You were amazing," Mike tells them.

"You should be proud of your hard work," Ji agrees as they all pull Antonio and Mia in for congratulatory hugs.

Antonio lingers with his arms around Jayden when it's Jayden's turn to hug him. "Thanks for coming," Antonio tells him, his voice quiet and his breath warm against Jayden's ear.

The first song of the next set is a pop song, and Mia, Emily, Mike, and Antonio take to the dance floor. Jayden watches them as much as the act on stage, and smiles at the way the four of them seem to be competing to find the silliest looking dance moves.

Antonio comes back to the table when the next song starts to play, another upbeat number that has more people joining the dance floor. He watches the singer on stage as he takes a long drink from his glass of water. Then he turns to Jayden and says, "You should dance with us."

"What?" Jayden doesn't dance. 

But Antonio is smiling at him and nudging his arm with his elbow. "Come on, it'll be fun."

"I'll pass," he says, but when Antonio tugs at his arm, he lets himself be pulled onto the dance floor. Mike, Emily and Mia step back so that the five of them form a rough circle, but he just stands there awkwardly as they dance around him. He feels exposed and out of his element. Just as he turns to go back to the table, Antonio links their arms together.

"Antonio?" 

Antonio grins at him. "Come on, Jay. Just move to the beat." He moves side to side in shallow movements. "Like this."

Jayden doesn't know why, but he gives in. He shifts his weight from foot to foot using Antonio's tempo as a guide. When Antonio lets him go so that he can continue to participate their competition for the most absurd dance moves, he's amused enough by their antics that he doesn't immediately flee.

The song ends and a slower one takes its place. Emily and Mike pair off, and when Mia starts heading back towards their table, Jayden follows her. 

A hand on his wrist stops him. Again, it's Antonio. His hair is damp with sweat and his expression is lit up from both exertion and laughter. There's color high on his cheeks. "Dance with me," he says. 

"Antonio," Jayden starts to protest, but Antonio just smiles at him.

"Please?" 

All Jayden knows is that instead of backing away, he's letting Antonio step closer. Antonio positions Jayden's hands on his waist and his own hands come to rest on Jayden's shoulders. Then Antonio is guiding him again, this time helping him move to the music.

Jayden is stiff, his movements small and graceless compared to Antonio's, and part of him still wants to run from the dance floor. But despite all his discomforts, he's starting to find a rhythm. It helps that Antonio is there, keeping him steady.

*

Antonio gets sick two weeks after the concert. His fever comes out of nowhere and packs a punch. Antonio's fine that morning, but by the evening, he's bedridden. By midnight, he's thrashing against his sheets, more than a little delirious.

Ji explains that the power protects them from most aliments, but that the power can't protect them from everything. Whatever Antonio has, it's a watered-down version of something much more serious and much more dangerous.

It terrifies him to see Antonio in such a state and not be able to do anything about it. What terrifies him more is that if Antonio wasn't a ranger, he'd be suffering from far worse than a fever.

The others are just as worried, hovering around the infirmary just as anxiously. Jayden tells them to rest, knowing that their team needs to be ready to fight if they need to. They only leave once Antonio's fallen asleep and after Jayden promises them that he'll keep Antonio company through the night.

He sits in a chair at Antonio's bedside and watches the way his chest rises and falls. Jayden must fall asleep because he wakes to Antonio calling his name.

"Jayden," Antonio says again, his eyes half-lidded and unfocused. 

"I'm here," Jayden says. He takes Antonio's hand in his.

"I'm sorry, Jayden." Antonio sounds like he's about to cry. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" Jayden asks softly.

"I never wanted to hurt you." His voice is slightly slurred. "Never, ever."

"You've never hurt me," Jayden tells him, but Antonio lets out a pained whine in reply.

"You don't remember." Antonio shuts his eyes but a tear escapes and slides down his cheek. "It's my fault you don't remember. It's my fault you're different."

Jayden stills. "Different?"

"You're touching me." Antonio squeezes his hand back as if to emphasize his point. "You let me touch you... you let me _dance_ with you."

"You touched me before," Jayden points out, remembering the selfies.

"But you made sure I knew there were lines I wasn't allowed to cross."

Jayden doesn't understand. "What does that mean?"

"I keep pushing you. I'm sorry. It's all my fault." Antonio is crying now. His body shakes with it, his skin still fever bright. 

The more Antonio cries, the more Jayden feels an ache in his own chest. He's powerless in the face of Antonio's sadness, but it's not only that. He hates that Antonio is crying over him.

Because it isn't Antonio's fault that Jayden traded his memories away. Jayden would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant saving Antonio's life. It would be a small price to pay, even if the very thought pains him. 

He doesn't want to forget Antonio. He doesn't want to forget his friendship -- from his easy touches and warm smile to his selfies and fishing at the pier. He doesn't know how he'd survive it.

He already survived it, he realizes with a start. 

Antonio almost died, even if he doesn't remember it happening. Even if not remembering was the price he already paid to save his life.

He wants to throw up. Instead, he holds Antonio's hand tight and tells him over and over, "It's not your fault," even though he's pretty sure Antonio isn't able to hear a thing he says.

*

Antonio doesn't seem to remember the conversation when his fever finally breaks, and Jayden doesn't ask about it even after he fully recovers.

Antonio invites him to go to the amusement park with him the following week, and Jayden agrees even before Antonio explains that he wants to go because he hasn't been since he was a kid.

Antonio loves the amusement park though he seems equal parts excited and terrified of the rollercoasters. He bounces on his feet eagerly until the ride starts, but then he clings to Jayden's hand for dear life for the remainder of the ride.

If someone were to ask Jayden his opinion of amusement parks, he'd say that he doesn't particularly like them. But he doesn't mind the rollercoasters or Antonio's hand in his, and when Antonio leads him to a photo booth at the end of the day, Jayden doesn't even question it.

The booth spits four photos out at them. In the first, Antonio is smiling and Jayden has his eyes closed, mid-blink. In the second, Antonio is laughing and Jayden is actually looking at the camera. In the third, Antonio is still laughing and the corners of Jayden's mouth are starting to curve upwards. 

But it's the fourth photo that gives Jayden pause. It reminds him of the photos on his phone -- the selfies Antonio took of the two of them that he has no memories of. He's finally smiling, and next to him, Antonio is in profile making a silly kissy-face in his direction.

*

It's a week later that Antonio suggests they go fishing along the stream. He takes Jayden to the same part of the stream where he remembers playing with Lauren as a child -- the same part of the stream Antonio told him they fished together once before.

They sit on the edge of the bank, side by side. They have their fishing poles in their hands and their legs dangle down towards the water. It's nice, the forest quiet but brimming with life all around them.

At lunch time, they leave their poles by the water and sit in the shade of a sycamore further inland from the bank eating sandwiches Antonio prepared for them. Antonio talks about an engineering problem he's having with a new power up item he's building, and when he's finished, Jayden asks a question he's had for a while now. "How did you build your morpher?"

Antonio explains not only how he reverse engineered a way to connect to the morphing grid, but why he did it. He tells Jayden that when he realized the connection between the Octozord and the rangers, he wanted to help Jayden save the world. He speaks plainly about how much he longed to be at Jayden's side again and how happy he was to return. 

Jayden can't help but think of Kevin's words from months ago now: _He became a ranger for you._

Antonio smiles as he talks, like coming up with a way to turn a cell phone into a superpower-generator was nothing in the face of such goals, and when he finishes, Jayden realizes he's been staring. He leans forward and it's like he's being pulled by a string.

"Jayden?" Antonio's gaze drops to Jayden's mouth. He bits his bottom lip and looks up at Jayden again, a question in his eyes.

The string tugs at him.

Antonio takes a deep breath, his chest rising with it, before he meets Jayden half-way and their lips press together.

It's barely a brush of lips, and it's new and different, but it doesn't feel out of place. If anything, it feels like the easiest thing in the world to kiss Antonio. 

Antonio lets out a surprised-sounding noise and surges forward, his mouth warm and insistent. Jayden matches his fervor, but then there's a hand on Jayden's chest and Antonio pulls back. To Jayden's horror, his eyes are shining and he looks panicked.

"No," Antonio says and it's almost a whisper. "No, we can't." He runs a hand through his hair and his face falls. "You never..."

"I never what?" Jayden asks, unsure of what went wrong. 

"You never..." Antonio swallows. "You never felt this way about me." His hands are visibly shaking and he doesn't meet his Jayden's eyes. "You weren't like this until you lost your memories."

Jayden's stomach drops. "But I--"

Antonio shakes his head. "No, I know this, Jay. I know this is new to you, but... this isn't new to me, okay?" He finally looks at Jayden, and it's both the misery etched into his face and his next words that suck all the air from Jayden's lungs. "I've felt this way about you for practically my entire life. I can't just ignore that... that you didn't want me."

"I do want you," Jayden tells him. Because he does. He wants everything Antonio is willing to give him.

"But you didn't. Not before all this happened." His shoulder tremble as he starts to cry. At a loss, Jayden reaches up and cups Antonio's cheek with his hand, the tips of his fingers brushing against Antonio's ear and his thumb swiping at his tears. Antonio leans into the touch and makes an awful sound in his throat. "I know you're him, but you're not, because he would never... and I can't. I can't take advantage of you like this."

Antonio folds in on himself, his sobs so violent that his whole body is shaking now, and Jayden can't help but think he's never heard anything so ridiculous in his life.

Because Antonio is wrong. Jayden knows how he feels and how easy it was for him to feel this way. He's only just met Antonio, and already he can't imagine what it would be like to not have him in his life.

If he could come to this conclusion in a few short months, then he knows that there's no way the version of himself that knew Antonio since they were kids wouldn't feel the same way. There's no way he wouldn't also be in love with Antonio.

Because that's what this is, even if he's never given it a name. He loves Antonio, and he probably always has.

He gasps, an unnatural warmth suddenly blooming in his chest. 

He can barely focus on it though, because a light flashes so brightly that it has Jayden flinching backwards, his instincts putting him on alert. When the light fades, Jayden is expecting a Nighlok attack. Instead, he opens his eyes to find that the concentric circles of the spell on Antonio's chest are visible through his shirt. They look identical to the way they did when Clare ran her diagnostic spell, but instead of glowing purple, they're a brilliant gold.

Not only that, but from Antonio's chest stretches a familiar translucent energy ribbon. It traverses the short distance between them and connects to Jayden's chest, which is also glowing with the same circles of golden magic.

Antonio sits up straighter, alarmed. "What's happening?"

Jayden reaches for him, manages to fit his hand over Antonio's and then--

He's somewhere else, in someone else's head, and watching in horror as Antonio is stabbed by Deker straight through the chest.

He knows with a certainty he doesn't understand that this is the past -- that this is _his_ past -- but he's too caught up in what he's witnessing and feeling for it to feel like a dream. It's too real.

It's so real that he hears the wet noise of Deker pulling his sword out and the sound of Antonio's morph disengaging. He hears his own startled cry as he rushes to catch Antonio's falling body.

He barely notices Deker leaving, barely notices Kevin in the distance, as he lowers Antonio carefully to the ground. His own morph disengages as he turns Antonio over with shaking hands. His front is already covered in blood, and the wound he reveals when he pulls up Antonio's shirt makes his stomach turn. 

Antonio isn't responsive. His eyes are half-open and empty and his chest isn't moving. Instead he's--

Jayden doesn't recognize the sound he makes. "No," he says. "No, this isn't happening." He's putting all his weight onto the wound to try to make the bleeding stop even though he knows it's futile. 

Jayden's vision blurs and there's a panicked ache in his chest that's threatening to take over his entire body. "Wake up. Antonio, please! Wake up!"

He's still hovering over Antonio, his hands still desperately trying to hold the wound closed, when he falls forward, his forehead landing against Antonio's. He squeezes his eyes shut. This can't be happening. There has to be something he can do. He would do anything to save Antonio. Anything.

There's a bright light beyond his eyelids. He opens them to discover that he and Antonio are completely enveloped by a bubble of golden light. 

Standing in front of him is a creature Jayden recognizes from a book his father used to read to him and Lauren when they were children. The creature is taller than any human with long, thin limbs. It's cloaked in a golden gown and it's glowing.

Jayden looks it in the eye. "Save him! Please!" 

The Wish Demon inclines its head. "You know what I am." Its voice sounds and somehow feels like a gentle breeze. "If I grant you a wish, there is a price."

"Anything," Jayden tells it without hesitation. "Take my life!"

The Wish Demon shakes its head. "I have no interest in taking a life."

Jayden's heart sinks. "Please!" he tries again. "You can take anything! There has to be something!"

The Wish Demon stares at him, and Jayden feels like it can see into his very soul. "You do have something else that will pay the cost of this magic," it says after an agonizingly long moment. It points at Antonio. "This human. Your love for him is incredibly strong. It fills your whole heart." 

Jayden's throat closes up. His love for Antonio is a secret he's fought to keep hidden and it hurts to hear it spoken so plainly especially with Antonio lying motionless underneath him.

"It also fills your mind. It even permeates your memories. All of it will have to be taken. Do you understand?"

Jayden realizes what it wants and wants to scream. It doesn't just want to take his feelings away, it wants his memories too. Without them, he'd forget Antonio entirely, but if it saves Antonio's life, he'd gladly give them up and everything else he has too.

"Take it!" he shouts. He doesn't think he can cry any harder, but he does, his vision blurring again as he clenches his hands in the wet fabric of Antonio's ruined shirt. "Please! Take it all! Just save him!"

The Wish Demon nods. "That is a fair exchange."

Jayden's chest feels uncomfortably hot and then it's suddenly glowing with the same bright golden light that's surrounding them. Antonio's chest starts to glow as well and under Jayden's hands, Antonio's blood begins to disappear. It gives Jayden a clear view of the way his wound is stitching itself together.

As his relief hits him, his arms give out and he collapses on top of Antonio. The heat building in his chest is almost unbearable now, but he doesn't mind. Antonio is going to survive this -- he's going to live -- and nothing else matters.

"The human is saved. It's time for your payment," the Wish Demon tells him.

That's his only warning for the agony that follows. It feels like his soul is being torn apart -- like a part of his very existence is being ripped away. That makes sense though. He's loved Antonio for most of his life. Antonio is literally woven into his very core. It's no wonder he feels like he's being flayed alive as Antonio is taken from him.

He tries to focus, instead, on how he can feel Antonio's chest rising and falling under his hands, on how warm breath is teasing his hair. He tries to focuses on how Antonio will be okay. This pain -- this torture -- is worth it if it means Antonio lives. 

As if hearing his thoughts, the Wish Demon says, "You'll be alright, child. I won't keep what you already have."

Jayden hears himself scream as the pain doubles, triples, and then everything goes dark.

*

Jayden's eyes fly open, his heartbeat thunderous in his ears, and he finds himself sitting with Antonio under the sycamore by the stream. Jayden's hand is still over Antonio's, and he's squeezing it so hard it must hurt.

Antonio has tear tracks down his cheeks, his eyes rimmed with red, and it's only then that Jayden realizes that their chests are still glowing and that the ribbon of magic is still connecting them. The ribbon wobbles like it knows Jayden is watching it, but then it suddenly shatters like glass. Its shards turn into bright points of light that hover in the air between them. 

The glow of magic on Antonio's chest fades to nothingness, the spellwork disappearing. The points of light shoot downwards into the ground, vanishing from sight, but return almost instantly, ascending from the soil until they merge and melt into the glow of magic still visible on Jayden's chest. 

There's a sharp pain over Jayden's heart and he has to let go of Antonio to press his palms flat against it. The glow on his chest vanishes and he gasps like he's taking a breath after being trapped underwater. Then he's reaching for Antonio again and taking his hand in his own, this time threading their fingers together.

Because he _remembers_.

He remembers everything. 

He remembers practicing in the yard with Antonio when they were kids. He remembers how sad he was when Antonio moved away and how he refused to train when Ji tried to get the Octozord back. He remembers when the Octozord appeared again, years later, and his joy when Antonio returned to him, an adult now with a miraculous morpher and a reason to stay.

He remembers trying to keep a proper distance from Antonio even though he felt like he was being pulled towards him like a magnet.

And he remembers forgetting Antonio -- forgetting that he was ever supposed to hide his feelings -- and falling for him all over again.

The Wish Demon's last words to him echo in his head.

_I won't keep what you already have._

His love.

The Wish Demon didn't simply take his memories. It took his love. And by loving Antonio again, he broke the spell.

He starts to cry.

"Jayden?" Antonio asks, clearly panicked. "Are you okay?"

Jayden nods, because he is.

"What was that? Was that what happened?"

It takes a second for Jayden to process Antonio's words. "You saw that?"

Antonio nods. His eyes are wide.

"That was my memory. The spell broke." He lifts their joined hands into the air and smiles. "I remember."

Antonio visibly swallows, and he seems cautious when he asks, "What do you remember?" 

Jayden's smile grows. "Everything."

Antonio studies his face, his brows creased and his expression unsure, but Jayden knows what to say. Out of all his memories, there's one thing that matters the most.

"I love you. I've always loved you."

Now it's Antonio who's crying. "Jayden..."

Jayden slowly leans in and does what he never would have dared to before. He kisses Antonio. 

Antonio makes a noise half-way between a laugh and a sob, and when Jayden pulls back, Antonio's eyes are sparkling with more than just tears. 

Jayden wipes his tears away and kisses him again.

*

They spend what feels like hours sitting together by the stream, Antonio's head on his shoulder and their fishing rods forgotten. The horrors of his vision of the past are still fresh in his mind, but Antonio's presence calms him and reminds him that the worst didn't happen. 

Every so often, Antonio snuggles closer to him as if Jayden's presence is giving him the same comfort. Jayden does his best to add to it. Like after the last fight with Deker, he reminds Antonio, "I'm right here." 

He also tries to offer Antonio another comfort. 

"I love you," he says softly against the shell of Antonio's ear, and again against his hair. "You never took advantage of me."

There's no denying that the vision weighs heavy on their minds, but the atmosphere isn't entirely morose. Antonio knows how Jayden feels now and that truth brings with it a palpable mix of excitement, relief, and joy. 

Jayden does his best to focus on that -- on how Antonio is at his side in a way he was once even afraid to think about -- on the way Antonio whispers his name when he lifts his head from Jayden's shoulder and pulls him in for a kiss.

*

They make it back to the house before sunset. Mia is practicing her sword work in the garden when they arrive. She takes one look at their clasped hands and their red-rimmed eyes and she's on high alert, running up to them and asking them what happened.

Jayden offers her a smile. "Call the others. This is something everyone needs to know."

They gather in the living room, and if anyone finds it strange that he and Antonio haven't stopped holding hands, no one mentions it.

Jayden tells them the spell broke and that his memories are back. He tells them about experiencing the moment he made his wish. He tells them about the Wish Demon's last words.

And he tells them that it wasn't just his memories that he traded away-- that his memories were part of something much larger. He admits what he couldn't before. He tells them what broke the spell.

He offers his narrative like a debrief after a fight. He focuses on facts instead of emotions, but even though he's cried more than enough already today, there are tears in his eyes by the time he's finished. He's not the only one. Everyone's eyes are glassy now too. Antonio's no exception, and he envelops Jayden in a warm hug.

Jayden lowers his head against Antonio's, leans into his comforting weight, and hugs him back.

*

He and Antonio sit side by side on a bench in the garden, each with a cup of green tea their hands. It's quiet save for the gentle sounds coming from the fountain and the occasional cricket. It's not quite peaceful though. 

They're still processing the day they've had, and it's clear that Antonio is tense, both his hands clasped tight around his mug. 

"What is it?" Jayden asks.

Antonio sighs. "There's something I still don't understand." He turns so he's facing Jayden and his eyes seem bright even with the poor illumination coming from the house. "If you... if you felt that way about me before, why didn't you say anything? Why did you push me away?"

Jayden sucks in a deep breath. With the aid of his lost memories, he knows now that Antonio was right. Jayden did make sure there was a clear line between them.

He would let Antonio put an arm around his shoulders for selfies, but tense if Antonio sat too close to him on the couch. He would play down how happy he was when they went fishing or when they went to the art museum together. He would go quiet when a meal at a café in town felt too much like a date. 

He was keenly aware of how Antonio felt about him, and he fought to keep Antonio from noticing that he felt the same way.

But it wasn't because he didn't want him.

"I liked you since we were kids," Jayden tells him. "And when you came back, I was so happy. I couldn't stop thinking about you. But I also spent my whole life training to be a soldier. To be a leader. So I told myself that my feelings for you were a distraction from my mission."

Antonio makes an unhappy, pained noise. 

"I was supposed to focus on protecting the world," Jayden says. "I convinced myself I wasn't allowed to be with you. That's why I hid the way I felt and pushed you away."

Antonio is frowning, but his voice is gentle when he asks, "What changed?"

"I lost my memories." Jayden takes a sip of his tea. Its warmth buffers him against the chill of the night. "When I forgot you, I forgot everything I convinced myself of. I forgot that I was supposed to keep my distance from you. So it didn't occur to me to push you away." He reaches out and gently rests one of his hands against Antonio's cheek. "And I fell in love with you again."

This is not an admission he could've ever imagined voicing before -- back when his feelings were wrapped in fear and guilt -- when he was still trying to fight what he felt. But it's surprisingly easy to explain himself to Antonio now that he has two sets of memories to draw upon and compare. The newer ones highlight the flaws in his old logic, allowing him to see what he couldn't have previously.

Antonio's face is scrunched up, like he's going to cry, but there's something soft in his eyes -- something that looks like amazement. Jayden offers him a smile. "I was wrong before," he tells him. "There was nothing wrong with loving you."

Antonio doesn't cry, but his bottom lip wobbles dangerously, and he turns his face so he can press it into Jayden's hand. 

"I'm sorry I made you think I didn't want you," Jayden adds. "I'm sorry it took all this for me to realize my mistake."

But Antonio presses a kiss against his palm. "I'm just glad we get to be together now."

Jayden's hand slowly migrates so it's over Antonio's shoulders, pulling Antonio close against his side, and in the silence of the night, they drink their tea.

Jayden hates what happened to them. He wouldn't wish impalement or magical amnesia on anyone. But his knows that this whole ordeal brought them together, and he, too, savors that silver lining.

*

They sleep in the next morning, but Kevin doesn't let them skip their training altogether. Which is why they find themselves lying on the training room floor in the afternoon, slowly catching their breath.

Eventually, Jayden rolls over so he can look at Antonio. He finds Antonio curled on his side towards him and looking back.

There's something pensive about Antonio's expression. Though he doesn't look sad, it reminds him of the way Antonio looked at him after he lost his memories. It also reminds him that there's still something he needs Antonio to know.

"It's not your fault that I traded my memories and feelings away."

Antonio rears back a little, clearly not expecting this line of conversation, but he doesn't hesitate before saying, "But it's because of me that you had to make that trade in the first place."

"It's not your fault that Deker attacked us," Jayden points out. "You're the one who saved me." Because Antonio has to understand that his actions didn't hurt Jayden. They did the opposite. 

Antonio sighs, and rolls over onto his back. His voice breaks when he says, "You got hurt anyway."

Jayden slowly brings himself to his feet and immediately offers Antonio a hand up. "It's because of you that I'm still alive."

Antonio's eyes widen. He blinks up at Jayden, his gaze travelling back and forth between his face and his outstretched hand. After a long moment, he tentatively puts his hand in Jayden's, and lets Jayden help him up.

Jayden doesn't let him go. Instead, he squeezes his palm. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't want to make that trade. But I'd do it again to save you. Just like you'd give your life again to save me."

Antonio shakes his head and Jayden worries he'll protest again, but instead he huffs out a laugh and offers Jayden lopsided smile. "We make quite the pair, don't we?"

"We do." Jayden smiles back, and it eases something in him when the tension in Antonio's shoulders visibly relaxes in response.

*

Ji rubs his chin and slides a pawn forward. "I didn't know about you and Antonio," he says.

Jayden frowns. He's losing again, but that's not what troubles him. He's settled well into his memories, but in some places, the edges between the two halves are still raw.

He saw Ji's reaction when he told everyone what happened. He knows that Ji is supportive of his relationship with Antonio. But there's an older, more timid part of him that would've been afraid of conversations like this. That part of him, even if it's much smaller now, can't help but be fearful that Ji will be disappointed in him for straying from his mission parameters.

"But it makes sense," Ji tells Jayden.

Jayden moves his bishop across the board. "In what way?" 

"Well, you were always happiest when you were with him."

Jayden's head shoots up, his eyes going wide. 

Ji is grinning at him, warm and fond. He moves his own bishop. "Check."

*

_where are you???_ the text from Antonio reads. _just finished rehearsal_. This message is followed by a guitar emoji and one of a microphone.

_Impressionists,_ he sends back. 

_i'll be there in 15_. There's a red heart next to the words as well as an emoji of an artist palette that Jayden didn't know existed.

A short time later, familiar arms circle him from behind, and a chin digs into his shoulder. "Hi," Antonio says. 

Jayden smiles. "Hi."

"There's an ice cream truck outside. I was going to get us some, but I figured the museum wouldn't appreciate that, even with our annual memberships and constant visits." His breath tickles Jayden's cheek.

"Let's get ice cream later then," Jayden suggests.

Antonio lets go of him and stands by his side, and they stare at the same painting together for a while, quiet and comfortable.

"This painting's your favorite, right?" Antonio asks when they enter the next room. The painting in question is large, taller than them, and Jayden perks up both at the sight of it and at Antonio's words. It makes his chest feel warm that Antonio knows this.

"Come on," Antonio says, turning Jayden around by his shoulders so his back is to the painting. Jayden goes along with Antonio's maneuvering even though he's not sure what's happening. Then Antonio lifts the arm not around Jayden into the air. His phone is in his hand and the camera is visible on the screen, reflecting their faces and the painting behind them. 

Antonio smiles at the camera, and Jayden smiles too, but before Antonio takes the picture, Jayden watches on the screen as Antonio turns his head and kisses Jayden on the cheek. Jayden laughs, surprised, and Antonio captures the moment. 

Antonio immediately sets it as his phone's background, and Jayden doesn't stop smiling for a long, long time.


End file.
